Something from my heart

As a young adult I’ve tried so hard to be what I thought I had to be. But the pressure to be what you’re not does little for you but build inside you, and the other day I had a little breakdown. I’m in the process of learning to be more honest with myself. The key word there being “process”.

At any rate, afterward I knew I needed some cool-down time, so I grabbed a few notebooks, some pringles and a sweatshirt, made a quick coffee stop and headed out to the spit to sit and chill and doodle or something. It was a beautiful day, with such a clear sky and a humidity level that made the mountains rise so very tall over our tiny town on the straight. I was sitting on the beach admiring the water and mountains, spotting seals splashing, and watching families enjoying the beach. I became fascinated when I noticed the enormous tanker ship anchored in the middle of the straight had begun to make a 180 degree turn. I did a bit of documenting on that, which was fun. It got my writing juices flowing. I wanted to continue writing, but I didn’t want to write about anything in particular, just from my heart.

What happened was this. Just a rainbow of words. That together mean nothing in particular and everything in the world.

It reads: Whatever is the matter dear – candy storm, candy clouds, candy sun, candy rain – where is who is what we do whenever why won’t you – I love you means what for who and you and me – treacle cups and plates – toddy hot and soothe the body – wind flowers blow and bow and dance for sweet princess in need of help from spider friends – to we and you and me and who – driftwood logs and seaside shorts – a summer starts and ends of course – who is three and two is one – ringing noise and bells for fun – tears and shed, not strewn – how soon? we wait so long

This is so beautiful to me because I didn’t try to make it beautiful. I didn’t try anything, except to keep the words in a rainbow shape. It’s beautiful because it’s straight from my heart.

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